WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS

How imp is to maintain friendship is a question something that we new generation people should be thinking or rather asking ourself.Are we really making a relationship called friendship or everything that we are trying to do has a vested interest in it? My recent encounters or things that I came to know about myself from pple I thought were my friends in a far away place has not only shattered me but has also made me think on my ability to understand pple and whether I get carried away with d fact that everyone is good in this world. I really don’t know whether I am rushing into things or being too judgmental or being excessively demanding is something I leave to the people who is going to read my blog. However recently I read an article by a psychologist who divides friends in to three categories-A Casual Friend is a giant step above acquaintance. Although less intimate than close or best friendships, a sense of trust and liking each other that are genuine and shared should be present in a healthy and positive casual friendship. A Close Friend is someone that you are comfortable talking to about your deepest, intimate, thoughts or secrets. A Best Friend will have all the criteria of a close friend, with the additional distinction of being the premiere friend. Trust, Empathy, Honesty, Confidentiality, and Commonality are all important friendship qualities. I guess you get hurt from people who are termed close friend. These category of people are those who can very well turn out to be double-cross who has broken your trust coz u have confided almost every little secret including the dark secret and later you find that those secrets of yours are all ready a subject of gossip among your co-workers and pple around you. They give you confidence when they are around you and make you believe the most unbelievable thing in the world and when you are not there you is subject of criticism among your co-workers and leading the brigade is your close friend. There is no crystal ball to predict that a particular friend will turn out to be a reliable, positive relationship in your life or, by contrast, that a negative association will cause you emotional distress, or worse. It’s an age old believe that human beings are unpredictable and that is also applicable to friends coz they are after all the same evolution of the same species and so the lesson that I learnt is that you should never trust anybody and there is no better and best friend than yourself. Trust yourself and move forward in life. You can be your own guiding self and to exist in this world you don’t need anyone. To make your existence a good one stay away from people coz they can destroy your confidence to the hilt and break you as a person and the worst thing that you do not want to let yourself happen is doubt yourself. Before writing this I was very depressed and for a long time nearly more than 4 hrs I was thinking what wrong I have done by terming someone a friend and expected support from them. Soon I realized that it’s my expectation which has let me down and not my friends. We should never expect anything and then only can relationship survive coz the moment expectation takes it place it leads to false impression and trust are broken and leads to human errors of mixed emotion. So learn to live life full size and move on with people around us without taking special interest in anyone and then life will have any casual friends and one best friend in your parents and life is hassle free and you are spared from the sin of cursing anybody and also from being the topic of instant messenger discussion in office where you are put through character assassination. So I conclude by the word of Dr. Jan Yager “If you save your friendship, avoid dwelling on the resolved rift”.

Inseparable...now no more!

It sometimes seems very strange that people with whom we are so use to at times start behaving so strange that in totality we tend to loose the person that we know.This kind of problem is best explained in situation where there are two friends who are completely inseparable may be during college or school days but once those days are over hardly any one is in contact with each other.This kind of relationship is something which I have come across during my stay in Pune.The instance that I am going to mention is one that of my roommate.
Banani and Mukesh were inseparable all through college. Then suddenly, Mukesh stopped responding to Banani’s calls and vanished from her life. When Banani tried to find out what was wrong, Mukesh was most uncommunicative. So that was the end of that. And Banani hadn’t a clue why. A year later Banani ran into Mukesh and asked what had gone wrong. She was stunned by Mukesh’s response. “She said he felt it was always her who made the effort. Always her who phoned. Always her to remember birthdays. Always her who changed plans to accommodate his plans. Never him,”. Banani was shocked. She had no idea he felt like that.I guess the problem is with guys coz they cannot take their friends or girl friends to be their mother or show the feminine side of them but it’s the same set of people who would adore these qualities when they decide to get married to a girl.(Seriously they are confused lot).However it has been observed(I too have observed in personal life) that women tend to have complicated relationship than men.Male have different ways to deal with ‘slight’ problems, such as always being the one to call, when they do have problems, they tend to deal with them directly.They have a one liner to deal with every situation, “What’s the big deal?”
But what happened between Mukesh and Banani is a classic case of lack of communication. Just like romantic relationships, friendships also throw up issues small and big that must be tackled and negotiated – which means hidden hurts must not be kept hidden. “If issues, however small, are not expressed, talked about and tackled between friends, they can lead to major misunderstandings and sometimes major barriers in friendships,” and long lasting friendship die an unnatural death.So people pick up the phone and sort out all kinds of problem how big or small and don’t let your friend go away from you. The basis of any relationship is communication. But it’s often difficult for us to bring up problems because we’re either scared of confrontation, or afraid of being accused of being over-sensitive. By inhibiting reactions and hiding true emotions, we will never form genuine friendships, with good friends,we tend to share ourself. If we are hurt and we do not share it we are left with that scar always.

However this one is for someone who has appreciated my writing and I guess is the only one who looks forward to read somethimg new from me.This one is for u(I guess u have understtod whom I am referring to)

You are responsible for your own belonging

Till I was 13 I was blissfully ignorant about it. At 17, I had no little or no semblance of it. 21 was when it was fashionable to shirk it. Now, at 23, I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m talking about that 14-letter word that fills every newly inducted adult with a sense of excruciating dread - responsibility.
Ah, those simpler times when responsibility meant doing your homework fast enough so you could play hide and seek with your cousins. Oh, that period of carefree abandon when being irresponsible only meant submitting college projects a week late and inventing creative excuses to cover it up. Alas, no longer can we protect ourselves in the shroud of youth. Responsibility has risen from its murky depths to rear its ugly head and lock horns with it’s arch nemesis - the hapless young adult.
Now we have things like jobs and stuff; heck, we even have a savings account. Taxes to pay crying out loud. No longer do we have gullible professors to answer to; we have hardnosed bosses who see right through the oft foolproof “I have viral flu.” And set different notion which can irritate any girl. Even those kindly parents, who once cleaned our poop without a murmur of protest, shriek if we so much as leave a few clothes lying around the house still that feels good as long as you stay with them coz they still do it even if they shout at you but when you start staying on your own now that’s a whole new level of shit-hitting-the-fan-responsibility.
I think of myself as a fairly responsible person, well, at least amongst my four friends who share the tenacity of being irresponsible. One has a habit of mysteriously losing large wads of cash coz she was too busy thinking about her ex boyfriend or may be writing poems in his memeory; another has made it a point to lose every cell phone he ever owned(today only I had to ask of my office friend to lend her mobile to my friend coz this time his cell is not working but he has made a point to be responsible coz he has not lost a cell phone for the past 6 months). One bunks office at an alarming frequency because he gets too tired of working at a long stretch and wans to go for as long vacation.and another has a prized collection of overdue bills because of endless shopping spree that she indulge into. So, being the “responsible one” out of the four of us is not something I’m particularly proud of.(I think I am practical amongst them and ask my mom she would not nod in agreement,Hope she understands one day)
I’ve often heard people saying that as you grow older, a sense of responsibility comes naturally. Yes, a sense of responsibility does strike but naturally it does not. It’s like fat ankles - you’re stuck with them, you crib about them, but there’s nothing you can do about them.
It’s overwhelming to think of all things I’m responsible for - my career, my money, my parents, my marriage, my future, my life, myself(who forgets that promising word-love). At times, I’m in denial. I run and duck for cover when I see responsibility lurking. I can run, but for how long I hide?(My friend has said inform the people the right think about you)
I wonder and perhaps the 30-aboves can help me with this - do we fear responsibility more or less as we grow older? Is it something we just get over like first crushes? Does it become second nature or does it forever loom like a hydra-headed monster?

The Light Of Friendship

I've seen the light

And it's in you,

In everything you are

And in everything you do.

It's a perfect light

That shines for all to see.

It radiates from youAnd has pierced the heart of me.

The light is from a friend.

It's a light that keeps me warm.

It lets me know how loved I am,

And keeps me safe from harm.To you my friend I am thankful,

In each and every way.For you lift my spirits up,

With every passing day.

To know that you are there for me,

It makes me feel alive.

Because it is your friendship's light,

Upon which my love thrives.

So thank you isn't good enough,

They are the only words I know.I

t is your light of friendship,

That gives my world it's glow.

Thanks for sharing your light with me.

For it is the simple things in life that

Are truly unforgettable.